One of the biggest culture shocks I have ever experienced was the moment I found out that Western culture makes a huge fuss over saying “I love you”, but blurts out “like” often. They put so much weight on the word “love” that it was almost a fear of confessing one’s vulnerability. However, in the 12 years I have lived in Hong Kong, over 100 Chinese teenage romance novels I have read and numerous TVB dramas have taught me otherwise— “like” and “love” are synonyms.
I am not saying that in Chinese culture saying “love” is easy. On the contrary, telling someone “I like you” is as difficult as saying “I love you”. It could be because of the reserved culture, or any level of verbal affection is difficult to vocalise.
But what are the differences between “like” and “love”? The level of commitment? The intensity? The vulnerability? Or the duration? If so, would you call the relationship between William Shakespeare’s characters Romeo and Juliet love?
The dedication between Romeo and Juliet is death. I don’t think there is a higher level of dedication than that for two teenagers. Their affection for each other is so intense that only in a short period of time, they were able to acknowledge each other as their one and only. They were completely vulnerable in front of each other; so weak that they knew without the other person, their life was not worth living. However, more mature readers would say that their relationship was just “infatuation”. Goodie! Another word. So, is infatuation “love” or “like”?
If I were to analogise “infatuation”, “love” and “like”, I would say that the three nouns are different states of matter. “Infatuation” is steam — it is free, and it is the butterflies in your stomach. “Like” is water — it runs or rushes, and it comes in waves. “Love” is ice — it is solid and concrete, and it keeps you grounded. They are all, essentially and fundamentally, the same particle but presented in different forms. They are all based on the same substance, rooted with the same emotions and feelings, but disguised as different words.
It is hubris of me, a 23-year-old journalist, to act as a love expert, commenting on love or like. But from my point of view, in essence, “like” and “love” are both passions – whether it is a spike of intensity or it doesn’t alter “with brief hours or weeks” and “bears it out until the edge of doom” *. The reason why they are synonyms is because once you admit your affection, you are granting another person the power to control your emotions. In both cultures, it is difficult to confess their feelings because these words will become your Archilles’ heel – a weakness in spite of your overall strength.
* These are quotes from William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116, which is a poem that presents his definition of love.
Photo: Rui Pastorin
