There are roles that, as far as I can remember, have always been assumed by, or assigned to, guys. Although the world has come a long way since saying that a particular role can only be taken up by a specific gender, the traditional perception that the guy should pay on a first date scenario, at least to me, has mostly stayed the same.
A guy paying on the first date is often seen and depicted as a chivalrous gesture. It is, in my opinion, a gentleman’s act that is not simply aimed at trying to impress someone, but at times considered basic etiquette. Even if a date goes terribly, it still seems that it is the direction to go, maybe more so in a traditional sense.
I held the same traditional viewpoint for a long time, seeing it as a first date gesture that only a guy should handle exclusively and there have been times when this idea seems to be reinforced. For instance, when my girlfriend and I go out to eat and she takes the bill, I would at times get an expectant look from the staff handling the bill that silently asks: “Aren’t you supposed to be doing that?”, or the fact that the bill would be handed to me first. Either way, neither were limited to a single occurrence.
To get some more perspective, I asked my girlfriend for her opinion on who should be paying on the first date, to which she remarked there should not be any expectations on who should be doing so, pointing out that both parties should instead be prepared. She also mentioned that splitting the bill could be the best way, but did note that paying on a first date is still a nice gesture that comes from a guy. My sister also shared the same sentiment, saying that “it depends” rather than simply always assigning it to a single gender. She noted factors such as who initiated the date and whether or not they were comfortable with just going Dutch, or in other words, splitting the bill.
Splitting the bill, it seems, has been more of an acceptable conclusion as opposed to just having one person shouldering the bill. It allows both people to pay for the cost of a date, with the added benefit of not putting the responsibility of paying on either of those involved. At the same time however, as a guy, I still believe that it is a quintessential chivalrous gesture to be the one to offer to pay on a first date. So, a question remains: who should pay on the first date?
Considering the different viewpoints, I think that either option can be the way to go. There is nothing wrong with guys wanting to take the bill and it still remains a nice thing to do on a first date. However, it is important to note that there should be nothing wrong with being open to splitting the bill. Moreover, whether the cost is split or if guys are unable to be the ones to pay, it should not greatly affect a man’s pride.
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